Psychotic Ambition

The past two weeks I have been busy getting REEL Ladies networking off the ground. We had our first networking mixer at the ladera chess cafe, it went great! Me and keena had originally said, “okay, if we get 20 women to come out, then we have something”. But then like 75 had RSVP’d so we freaked out and had to go rent chairs and buy all this extra shit, but of course only like 30 showed up. We had candles, wine, food, and Miss Angela Gibbs. She shared her journey with the ladies. How she hit roadblocks as a filmmaker and an actress. It was amazing.

What 2 women can do. I think we lost some of our audience because we did it in Inglewood. Hell, I know I JUST started going out there myself!! And that’s only to the cafe!! LOL

So we are going to move it to a more central location. Went and networked and passed out some of our fliers at the Sisters Doing it for Themselves and SWAN Day with the Alliance of Women Directors.

Anywhoo, I am inspired. I feel like my mojo had diminished some, but I see it coming back.

Sometimes the dream is soooo frikkin tangible and sometimes it’s so distant.

I’ve been exhausted. I have 2 scripts to finish and I’ve been stuck. My brain has been racing too much, I can’t focus. I sit down to write and nothing…*sigh*

I feel like I am back at that place again, where I am pouring my energy into the wrong things. Like An Empowered Woman. Don’t get me wrong. I like that job, but hell…IT’S A JOB!

If I had the choice, of course I want to work for myself. I want to act. I want to model…”Mama, I Wants to SANG!!” LOL

So it’s a constant battle. Get up go to work. Collect a paycheck. Hustle for REEL Ladies, Hustle for JNL Media. Hustle for Nikki Love…all on the side!

Don’t want MY projects to be on the side. That’s just craziness to me. But bills gotta get paid, rent is due!! So mama has to hustle.

Keep striving, keep moving, keep dreaming, keep hustling, keep putting one foot in front of the other. REEL Ladies has inspired me. Talking to these women, have inspired me. I’m in awe.

Make sure you check out our REEL LADIES BLOG.

Some days are rough.
Some days you know in your soul, in your gut, that you are going to bring forth everything you’ve ever dreamed of. And some days, you have to talk yourself outta just packing up and heading home.

The No’s

*Sigh*Scrapbooks didnt get into Tribeca. Damn. That’s like 4 festivals. A waste of money.
Beverly Hills Shorts said no, Atlanta said no, Tribeca, and the Black Maria. Waiting to hear from Hollywood Black Film Festival and LA Film fest. Still have to submit to Chicago REEL Shorts, Naperville, Martha’s Vineyard and a few more.

In the meantime I am going broke!!!

The Yes’s:

REEL Ladies is really taking off! I spoke with Euzhan Palcy. She was the first black women to direct a feature film. She told me to call her back after the 20th because she was travelling. WOW. I told her about REEL Ladies and that we wanted to spotlight her, she said YES!  WhoooHoo!

Got an email back from Tanya Kersey’s publicist and she is able to do the radio show Thursday Evening!!! She is the founder/creator of the Hollywood Black Film Festival. 

OH….and Taraji Henson’s publicist said Taraji is out of town right now filming Tyler Perry’s movie, but contact her in April and we can set something up!! YAY

*sidenote* why aren’t I out filming Tyler Perry’s movie??? damnit. here comes that old self doubt demon.  

So do the yes’s outweigh the no’s? Not really. REEL Ladies is a side thing. My “side project” has more doors opening than my acting career. That’s sad. I haven’t booked a project, short film, commercial, feature…NOTHING in like 3 months. AAAGGGHHH! So we are going to see what happens. The strike is over. Got new headshots, signed with two new agencies. Next step is finding a manager. SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT.  Somebody has to say yes right?? If Taraji can say yes, if Ms. Palcy can say yes, if Tanya Kersey can say yes, then damnit, a producer a casting director can say yes too right? How hard is it to form your mouth to say the word….not that hard at all….back to the drawing board