Psychotic Ambition

It’s been awhile since I’ve written, shame shame. A lot of stuff going on though.

So the short film I acted in, “A Baby Away”, has been doing really good hitting the festival market.

It is now currently the official selection at the Hollywood Black Film Festival, San Francisco Black Film Festival, AND Martha’s Vineyard Black Film Festival!!

WOW! I’m impressed.

Finally got my reel updated (including a scene from A Baby Away), you can check it out on my site and of course MySpace and YouTube!!

Had my screening for the feature film “Losing Faith” that premiered. At first I was really nervous because I hadn’t seen the finished project, but came out REALLY GOOD!! I’m excited. Going to be hitting festivals soon!

Finally heard back from the producers of “No Answer”, they are anticipating completion by the end of the summer

So I’m still plugging along, so far so good.

Teaming up with a friend of mine to get some movies green lit and slated. Just gonna hammer them out!!!

Might be signing with the agency The Gage Group, crossed fingers.

So that’s what’s up with Nikki Love. Nothing new.

On another note. I have been pondering on this concept of eternity.

If Eternity is everlasting, doesn’t that mean that we are in it right now?! And if we are in the middle of eternity, endless time until the Lord sees fit, we are just these beings on a tiny tiny spectrum of the timeline. What are you doing with your time? Are you wasting it or utilizing it?

Eternity is such an awesome concept is it not? This universe has been in existence for billions of years, and here we are. At THIS time, at THIS place, with THESE people surrounding us. Why now? Why weren’t you designed and roaming the earth 100 years ago, why not 10,000 years ago…

FOR SOME GODLY REASON, you are designed to be the person you are RIGHT NOW on this neverending spin through space on the timeline of “eternity”….

How amazing and awesome is that??

hmmm….

So you guys know I’ve been kinda hard on myself the past few weeks/months! LOL!

So when I finally decided to stop being so negative and just keep doing what I’m doing things started panning out a little.

I am now SAG Eligible! YAY about damn time!

I have my feature film “Losing Faith” screening next week.

“A Baby Away”, a short film by Courtney Franklin, has been accepted into the Hollywood Black Film Festival (which is next month) AND the San Francisco Black Film Festival (next month)! Yes, I was the lead! And so me and Courtney are going to head up to San Fran and make it do what we do…

REEL Ladies has been frikking soaring and I can’t wait to post pictures from event the other night. We’ve got some fantastic ladies lined up. We have featured Jennifer Schaefer, who was amazing, Amy Lyndon, which I have GOT to get into her Booking Class (www.coldreadingclasses.com), Andrea Wiley, who will just give you goose bumps, and much more. Make sure you check it out. And our radio show is now a FEATURED show on Blog Talk Radio. YAY!

So yes, I am excited. Now if I could just FINISH THE FRIKKIN SCRIPT!!!

but hey, whaddya gonna do? can’t have everything…

The past two weeks I have been busy getting REEL Ladies networking off the ground. We had our first networking mixer at the ladera chess cafe, it went great! Me and keena had originally said, “okay, if we get 20 women to come out, then we have something”. But then like 75 had RSVP’d so we freaked out and had to go rent chairs and buy all this extra shit, but of course only like 30 showed up. We had candles, wine, food, and Miss Angela Gibbs. She shared her journey with the ladies. How she hit roadblocks as a filmmaker and an actress. It was amazing.

What 2 women can do. I think we lost some of our audience because we did it in Inglewood. Hell, I know I JUST started going out there myself!! And that’s only to the cafe!! LOL

So we are going to move it to a more central location. Went and networked and passed out some of our fliers at the Sisters Doing it for Themselves and SWAN Day with the Alliance of Women Directors.

Anywhoo, I am inspired. I feel like my mojo had diminished some, but I see it coming back.

Sometimes the dream is soooo frikkin tangible and sometimes it’s so distant.

I’ve been exhausted. I have 2 scripts to finish and I’ve been stuck. My brain has been racing too much, I can’t focus. I sit down to write and nothing…*sigh*

I feel like I am back at that place again, where I am pouring my energy into the wrong things. Like An Empowered Woman. Don’t get me wrong. I like that job, but hell…IT’S A JOB!

If I had the choice, of course I want to work for myself. I want to act. I want to model…”Mama, I Wants to SANG!!” LOL

So it’s a constant battle. Get up go to work. Collect a paycheck. Hustle for REEL Ladies, Hustle for JNL Media. Hustle for Nikki Love…all on the side!

Don’t want MY projects to be on the side. That’s just craziness to me. But bills gotta get paid, rent is due!! So mama has to hustle.

Keep striving, keep moving, keep dreaming, keep hustling, keep putting one foot in front of the other. REEL Ladies has inspired me. Talking to these women, have inspired me. I’m in awe.

Make sure you check out our REEL LADIES BLOG.

Some days are rough.
Some days you know in your soul, in your gut, that you are going to bring forth everything you’ve ever dreamed of. And some days, you have to talk yourself outta just packing up and heading home.

The No’s

*Sigh*Scrapbooks didnt get into Tribeca. Damn. That’s like 4 festivals. A waste of money.
Beverly Hills Shorts said no, Atlanta said no, Tribeca, and the Black Maria. Waiting to hear from Hollywood Black Film Festival and LA Film fest. Still have to submit to Chicago REEL Shorts, Naperville, Martha’s Vineyard and a few more.

In the meantime I am going broke!!!

The Yes’s:

REEL Ladies is really taking off! I spoke with Euzhan Palcy. She was the first black women to direct a feature film. She told me to call her back after the 20th because she was travelling. WOW. I told her about REEL Ladies and that we wanted to spotlight her, she said YES!  WhoooHoo!

Got an email back from Tanya Kersey’s publicist and she is able to do the radio show Thursday Evening!!! She is the founder/creator of the Hollywood Black Film Festival. 

OH….and Taraji Henson’s publicist said Taraji is out of town right now filming Tyler Perry’s movie, but contact her in April and we can set something up!! YAY

*sidenote* why aren’t I out filming Tyler Perry’s movie??? damnit. here comes that old self doubt demon.  

So do the yes’s outweigh the no’s? Not really. REEL Ladies is a side thing. My “side project” has more doors opening than my acting career. That’s sad. I haven’t booked a project, short film, commercial, feature…NOTHING in like 3 months. AAAGGGHHH! So we are going to see what happens. The strike is over. Got new headshots, signed with two new agencies. Next step is finding a manager. SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT.  Somebody has to say yes right?? If Taraji can say yes, if Ms. Palcy can say yes, if Tanya Kersey can say yes, then damnit, a producer a casting director can say yes too right? How hard is it to form your mouth to say the word….not that hard at all….back to the drawing board